After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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