You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
