SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
