yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There's always time for handjobs
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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