and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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