Plan B is the new Plan A
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
