I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
