I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
