i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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