the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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