why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
