Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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