I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
