I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Enjoy the penises
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
