I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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