When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
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We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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