I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
