i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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