just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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