You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
