I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
