and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
