Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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