Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
