So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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