Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
His nipple licking is glorious
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