What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
