wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
