And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
