After last night, I could never be a politician.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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