i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
