Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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