Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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