dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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