Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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