its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
