hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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