You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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