i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize