im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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