Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize