This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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