Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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