i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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