so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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