I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
