i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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