You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
