how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
