guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
