I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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