watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
