Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
