There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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