My first STD was from a foam party
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
