Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
