i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
