I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
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If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My vagina is very pro this idea
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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