we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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