A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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