She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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