she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
