Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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