Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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