There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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