Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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