Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Randomize
