remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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