I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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