he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
