Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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