I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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