it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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