apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
