It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
