Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Randomize
