Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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