Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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