So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
