If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
