I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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