if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
two words...techno handjob
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
