so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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